Hey Everyone,
This year has really been a graet blessing, the LORD has opened many doors, and as always, has been very faithful to put me in situations that have caused me to learn and grow.
I have been very blessed to be serving the LORD and the Salvadorean people, and wanted to take a couple of minutes to share some of the things that have been going on.
Check it out!
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Back in El Salvador
After nearly five intense months of preparation, I am back in El Salvador - and back at work - continuing the pursuit of the call of God in my life. But it hasn't all been smooth sailing, and although I left Santa Cruz with nearly 90% of my committed support raised, and my care team willing and ready, there were many challenges here that awaited me.
My re-entry goals for these first weeks in El Salvador were rather simple - buy an affordable car, rent an adequate apartment, and pass through the time consuming process of gaining 'Missionary Residency' in El Salvador.
But it hasn't been all simple. Out of the 14 days that I have been in El Salvador, six of those were spent sick with painful and debilitating intestinal parasites. On day nine, Rebeca found, and I went and rented the perfectly located apartment, and then on day 10, while moving me in, we discovered that the apartment has no running water. On day 12, I found a car to buy, and on day 13, I was told (before buying it, thanks to God) that it had broken down. Yesterday, I also took my first step in the involved process of applying for and getting my Missionary Residence, and thanks to God, and help from Rebeca, it went very well.
Honestly, I have felt overwhelmed. I am starting to think that 'overwhelming' is one of God's favorite tools for character formation. And yet even when I start to feel this way, there is one thing that hovers in my mind. Psalm 149:2 says:
It's pretty simple. I have a maker, and He is God. I belong to a king, who is looking out for me, and is responsible for my well being, and that king is the LORD Jesus Christ. So I rejoice, and am able to be joyful, even in trials.
Whether I find a house and car, or not. Whether I am given residency, or not. My job is to work as unto the LORD in all that I do, and place all of my trust in Him - and not in things. My calling is to honor Him as my Maker and King, and to rejoice in the simple experience of knowing Him - and in that rejoicing, invite other to join me.
Yesterday, after spending more than 4 hours at government offices in pursuit of my residency, Rebeca and I boarded a bus to leave, and found ourselves entering into a place of conflict. In El Salvador, Evangelists, Beggars, Activists, and Campaigners regularly board buses to publicly share their opinions with the crowds captive audiences gathered there. Often I have found myself praying along as many a brave man stood up to share the Gospel.
But the scene on the bus was different this time around. A man stood up and began to intimidate the crowd with his booming voice and cries of outrage. He chastised them for their intolerance and judgement of his sexual practices. He blamed them for the self hatred and other emotional difficulties that he and other homosexuals had gone through. He charged them to accept and embrace all sexual practices as right and good. And then he threatened them with hellfire and the wrath of God for their supposed 'sins';
twisting and turning Bible verses about love, acceptance, and judgement to his favor, and misquoting stories about the life of David.
The crowd from the beginning had the heads bowed; whether because of shame or fear I will never
know. From the beginning, I felt a struggle within myself as to whether or not I should speak up, and what I should say. Rebeca was sitting next to me, overwhelemed and shocked.
When he began to quote the Scriptures, I could hold my peace no longer. It is one thing to sin, and yet another thing entirely to deceive others into participating in it. Finally, I spoke out.
"You sir, are wrong, and the Bible does not support your position."
My voice answered his. And with a supernatural love and direction, I began to share
"We do not reject you, sir. You are even welcome to come and visit our church."
"We love you in the love of God, the same love that gave you the gift of life, and the freedom to stand here and speak."
Some raised their heads, others opened their eyes, some even covered their ears.
"But we do not love your sin, and will not accept it. Neither will God. You must repent - for all sin is an affront against God"
"Your speech today is an attack against the very love of God, the same divine love that created you, and permits you to stand here and share with these people"
"Some would have you believe that God will reject you because of your sin, but I tell you now that their IS forgiveness for you in the heart of God, if you repent and accept Him."
"Do not fight against the love of God! Repent, and accept Him!"
Red in the face, he looked past my gazed, and repeated his charge to the passengers; one, two, three or more times - full of fury, yet with a deep set confusion upon his face.
As we stood to get off of the bus, a man touched my shoulder, and thanked me for what I had shared. What impact I had, I may never know. But in my mind one thing is clear and important.
I want to honor my King.
Prayer and Praise:
Praise God for my safe arrival back in El Salvador
Praise God for raising up my financial support and care team before I left
Pray for Rebeca and I as she helps me look for the right car and house for me to live in
Pray for me as I start to serve full time in the ministry here with CCSS
Pray for Rebeca as she finishes her University classes this year
Pray for our wedding and future marriage next year
Pray for both of us to clearly hear God's voice, and grow in out intimacy with Him
My re-entry goals for these first weeks in El Salvador were rather simple - buy an affordable car, rent an adequate apartment, and pass through the time consuming process of gaining 'Missionary Residency' in El Salvador.
But it hasn't been all simple. Out of the 14 days that I have been in El Salvador, six of those were spent sick with painful and debilitating intestinal parasites. On day nine, Rebeca found, and I went and rented the perfectly located apartment, and then on day 10, while moving me in, we discovered that the apartment has no running water. On day 12, I found a car to buy, and on day 13, I was told (before buying it, thanks to God) that it had broken down. Yesterday, I also took my first step in the involved process of applying for and getting my Missionary Residence, and thanks to God, and help from Rebeca, it went very well.
Honestly, I have felt overwhelmed. I am starting to think that 'overwhelming' is one of God's favorite tools for character formation. And yet even when I start to feel this way, there is one thing that hovers in my mind. Psalm 149:2 says:
Let Israel rejoice in their Maker;
Let the children of Zion be joyful in their King.
It's pretty simple. I have a maker, and He is God. I belong to a king, who is looking out for me, and is responsible for my well being, and that king is the LORD Jesus Christ. So I rejoice, and am able to be joyful, even in trials.
Whether I find a house and car, or not. Whether I am given residency, or not. My job is to work as unto the LORD in all that I do, and place all of my trust in Him - and not in things. My calling is to honor Him as my Maker and King, and to rejoice in the simple experience of knowing Him - and in that rejoicing, invite other to join me.
Yesterday, after spending more than 4 hours at government offices in pursuit of my residency, Rebeca and I boarded a bus to leave, and found ourselves entering into a place of conflict. In El Salvador, Evangelists, Beggars, Activists, and Campaigners regularly board buses to publicly share their opinions with the crowds captive audiences gathered there. Often I have found myself praying along as many a brave man stood up to share the Gospel.
But the scene on the bus was different this time around. A man stood up and began to intimidate the crowd with his booming voice and cries of outrage. He chastised them for their intolerance and judgement of his sexual practices. He blamed them for the self hatred and other emotional difficulties that he and other homosexuals had gone through. He charged them to accept and embrace all sexual practices as right and good. And then he threatened them with hellfire and the wrath of God for their supposed 'sins';
twisting and turning Bible verses about love, acceptance, and judgement to his favor, and misquoting stories about the life of David.
The crowd from the beginning had the heads bowed; whether because of shame or fear I will never
know. From the beginning, I felt a struggle within myself as to whether or not I should speak up, and what I should say. Rebeca was sitting next to me, overwhelemed and shocked.
When he began to quote the Scriptures, I could hold my peace no longer. It is one thing to sin, and yet another thing entirely to deceive others into participating in it. Finally, I spoke out.
"You sir, are wrong, and the Bible does not support your position."
My voice answered his. And with a supernatural love and direction, I began to share
"We do not reject you, sir. You are even welcome to come and visit our church."
"We love you in the love of God, the same love that gave you the gift of life, and the freedom to stand here and speak."
Some raised their heads, others opened their eyes, some even covered their ears.
"But we do not love your sin, and will not accept it. Neither will God. You must repent - for all sin is an affront against God"
"Your speech today is an attack against the very love of God, the same divine love that created you, and permits you to stand here and share with these people"
"Some would have you believe that God will reject you because of your sin, but I tell you now that their IS forgiveness for you in the heart of God, if you repent and accept Him."
"Do not fight against the love of God! Repent, and accept Him!"
Red in the face, he looked past my gazed, and repeated his charge to the passengers; one, two, three or more times - full of fury, yet with a deep set confusion upon his face.
As we stood to get off of the bus, a man touched my shoulder, and thanked me for what I had shared. What impact I had, I may never know. But in my mind one thing is clear and important.
I want to honor my King.
Prayer and Praise:
Praise God for my safe arrival back in El Salvador
Praise God for raising up my financial support and care team before I left
Pray for Rebeca and I as she helps me look for the right car and house for me to live in
Pray for me as I start to serve full time in the ministry here with CCSS
Pray for Rebeca as she finishes her University classes this year
Pray for our wedding and future marriage next year
Pray for both of us to clearly hear God's voice, and grow in out intimacy with Him
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Homecoming
In January I left from my home in California for three months, to get to know and experience life and ministry in El Salvador.
The purpose of my trip - to spy out the land - to see first hand the blessings and challenges of serving in one of the most dangerous and beautiful countries in Latin America.
Will I be able to live here long term? Do I have what it takes? Do I have the faith and the character to follow God where I believe He has called me, and trust Him for protection, provision, and blessing?
I was met with many ministry oportunities, as well as challenges. I spent my mornings and afternoons teaching the Bible to hundreds of youth, was able to work with my fiancee teaching Sunday school classes to children in the slums, and spent time building discipleship relationships with several young men. I was also confronted on a daily basis with the risks and dangers of working in a country plagued with violence, crime, and poverty; and came face to face with things that I had never imagined or desired to experience. There were days and moments where I was just overwhelmed. Can these challeneges be overcome?
In the book of Numbers, God tells His people to send a small group of men ahead of the people to 'spy out' the land that He has lead them to, and promised for them.
Of the 12 that go in to spy out the land, 10 are of accord (Numbers 13:31)- 'this land cannot being conquered - the challenges are too great'
But Caleb, a true man of faith, chose to stand on God's promises
"Then Caleb quieted the people before Moses, and said, “Let us go up at once and take possession, for we are well able to overcome it"
My travel back to California on Tuesday was the most dificult I've had. My travel started with security problems, a four hour delay, missed 'good-byes', and a packed flight. When I got to my connecting flight, I thought the worst was over - until I was hit with a migraine. Curled up in my seat with my head throbbing, and tears streaming down my face, I began begging the LORD for healing and comfort from my migraine, and everthingy else; and my worries and doubts came back up to the surface.
"Do I really have what it takes to come back to El Salvador? Will I even be able to raise the support money to be able to live there? Will the LORD provide? Will He protect me, and my future wife?"
Then, just when it all became too much, I heard His still small voice speak, "Follow my presence, give up seeking comfort, and I will be with you."
In the moment He spoke, my migraine was healed. My time of preparation for everything ahead had begun. Staying in the states, living the safe and comfortable life is too easy. I want to follow His call, and His presence. I want to be His obediant servant. And I trust Him for everything.
My plan for this time in California is simple. Spend four months working, serving, and raising prayer and financial support, before returning to El Salvador and serving the LORD there in Calvary Chapel with a long term commitment. The Lord has given me open doors to serve Him in a nation filled with the blessings of revival, and the thousands of men and women that are coming to faith in El Salvador are in great need of Bible teaching, and discipleship. There are many giants in El Salvador as well - daily violence and destitute poverty are hard things to overcome, and can be emotionally, physically, and spiritually overwhelming. But God is bigger.
With my future marriage on the horizon, and with needed ministry waiting for me in El Salvador - I choose to take the position that Caleb took - and stand firm on the promises and calling of God, while I prepare for the things ahead.
Quick Prayer Points:
1. Please pray for God's protection and provision- for myself, and my future wife, as we both seek to serve the LORD in El Salvador.
2. Please pray that God would use this time of preparation to raise up men and women to be a part of our ministry in El Salvador through committed financial, spiritual, and emotional support.
3. Please pray that God would prepare my heart and mind for the things He has for me, and that I would be submissive to His will and His purposes every step of the way.
4. Please pray for Rebeca and I as we seek the LORD in preparation for our future marriage and ministry together.
The purpose of my trip - to spy out the land - to see first hand the blessings and challenges of serving in one of the most dangerous and beautiful countries in Latin America.
Will I be able to live here long term? Do I have what it takes? Do I have the faith and the character to follow God where I believe He has called me, and trust Him for protection, provision, and blessing?
I was met with many ministry oportunities, as well as challenges. I spent my mornings and afternoons teaching the Bible to hundreds of youth, was able to work with my fiancee teaching Sunday school classes to children in the slums, and spent time building discipleship relationships with several young men. I was also confronted on a daily basis with the risks and dangers of working in a country plagued with violence, crime, and poverty; and came face to face with things that I had never imagined or desired to experience. There were days and moments where I was just overwhelmed. Can these challeneges be overcome?
In the book of Numbers, God tells His people to send a small group of men ahead of the people to 'spy out' the land that He has lead them to, and promised for them.
Of the 12 that go in to spy out the land, 10 are of accord (Numbers 13:31)- 'this land cannot being conquered - the challenges are too great'
But Caleb, a true man of faith, chose to stand on God's promises
"Then Caleb quieted the people before Moses, and said, “Let us go up at once and take possession
My travel back to California on Tuesday was the most dificult I've had. My travel started with security problems, a four hour delay, missed 'good-byes', and a packed flight. When I got to my connecting flight, I thought the worst was over - until I was hit with a migraine. Curled up in my seat with my head throbbing, and tears streaming down my face, I began begging the LORD for healing and comfort from my migraine, and everthingy else; and my worries and doubts came back up to the surface.
"Do I really have what it takes to come back to El Salvador? Will I even be able to raise the support money to be able to live there? Will the LORD provide? Will He protect me, and my future wife?"
Then, just when it all became too much, I heard His still small voice speak, "Follow my presence, give up seeking comfort, and I will be with you."
In the moment He spoke, my migraine was healed. My time of preparation for everything ahead had begun. Staying in the states, living the safe and comfortable life is too easy. I want to follow His call, and His presence. I want to be His obediant servant. And I trust Him for everything.
My plan for this time in California is simple. Spend four months working, serving, and raising prayer and financial support, before returning to El Salvador and serving the LORD there in Calvary Chapel with a long term commitment. The Lord has given me open doors to serve Him in a nation filled with the blessings of revival, and the thousands of men and women that are coming to faith in El Salvador are in great need of Bible teaching, and discipleship. There are many giants in El Salvador as well - daily violence and destitute poverty are hard things to overcome, and can be emotionally, physically, and spiritually overwhelming. But God is bigger.
With my future marriage on the horizon, and with needed ministry waiting for me in El Salvador - I choose to take the position that Caleb took - and stand firm on the promises and calling of God, while I prepare for the things ahead.
Quick Prayer Points:
1. Please pray for God's protection and provision- for myself, and my future wife, as we both seek to serve the LORD in El Salvador.
2. Please pray that God would use this time of preparation to raise up men and women to be a part of our ministry in El Salvador through committed financial, spiritual, and emotional support.
3. Please pray that God would prepare my heart and mind for the things He has for me, and that I would be submissive to His will and His purposes every step of the way.
4. Please pray for Rebeca and I as we seek the LORD in preparation for our future marriage and ministry together.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Overwhelmed
Recently a close friend asked me what teaching children in Nicaragua was like. As I searched my mind to grasp for the right words to describe it, I realized that I needed more time to think about the question. Describing my life in Nicaragua and the missionary work here sometimes feels like last thing I want to do. There are so many different, beautiful, amazing, crazy, sad, and even hurtful things about living and working with the people here (and especially their children); let alone the emotions that come with the experience, that sometimes it seems easier not to think about or describe it -
The world is an overwhelming place. If you let it, it will tear you apart. Love, joy, pain, sorrow – they are all feelings too intense by themselves to experience or try to take on without Jesus. The Bible tells us that Satan, a fallen angel, is our enemy, and wants to kill us(Is 14:12-21, 1Pet 5:8). We see strong men and women overwhelmed time and time again in the bible – when Jesus and the disciples start sailing on the sea of Galilee – the storm picks up and the disciples loose it (Mark 4:37-38), or when Peter starts to walk on water – but then sinks because of his fear (Matt 14:28-30); even Jesus himself felt overwhelmed – sweating blood while praying in the garden of Gethsemane (Luke 22:44) – and then there's his His famous words on the cross “Eloi Eloi, lama sabachthani” - my God why have you forsaken me (Mark 15:34).
What's it like teaching these children? It's like being overwhelmed, time and time again. So what do you do when you're overwhelmed?
I just started going through the book of John with my 4th grades in Bible class. It's been a really interesting time teaching them, and a real blessing for me as I fall in love with the book of John all over again.
Last week, I brought some pan dulce (sweet rolls) and bananas for two of my students that have been absent from school the last few days. The older girl (one of my 9-year-old 4th Graders) had been left to care for her seven year old brother (one of my 1st Graders) and her four year old sister while her parents were gone working. This is the same girl who, due to malnutrition, has had fainting spells and severe headaches in my classes; and already missed a week of school two months ago when she burned herself with hot oil while cooking trying to cook for her siblings. The clincher today is that the two younger children that she is taking care of, who have both had many health problems, have just been diagnosed with Hepatitis A (a very painful viral infection which attacks the liver - also almost unknown to most children in the States). And they are almost nearly all alone to deal with it.
The world is an overwhelming place. If you let it, it will tear you apart. Love, joy, pain, sorrow – they are all feelings too intense by themselves to experience or try to take on without Jesus. The Bible tells us that Satan, a fallen angel, is our enemy, and wants to kill us(Is 14:12-21, 1Pet 5:8). We see strong men and women overwhelmed time and time again in the bible – when Jesus and the disciples start sailing on the sea of Galilee – the storm picks up and the disciples loose it (Mark 4:37-38), or when Peter starts to walk on water – but then sinks because of his fear (Matt 14:28-30); even Jesus himself felt overwhelmed – sweating blood while praying in the garden of Gethsemane (Luke 22:44) – and then there's his His famous words on the cross “Eloi Eloi, lama sabachthani” - my God why have you forsaken me (Mark 15:34).
What's it like teaching these children? It's like being overwhelmed, time and time again. So what do you do when you're overwhelmed?
I just started going through the book of John with my 4th grades in Bible class. It's been a really interesting time teaching them, and a real blessing for me as I fall in love with the book of John all over again.
While sitting alone and reading through and reading through chapter 1 for the fiftieth time, I was struck flat in the face by a passage I have probably read through several times without ever really thinking about.
When Phillip enthusiastically shares Jesus with Nathanael, Nathanael responds with one of the Pharisee's favorite mantras, 'can anything good come from Nazareth?'. When Phillip later brings Nathanael to meet with Jesus, Jesus praises him as being 'a true Israelite free of deceit' - but Nathanael responds by further questioning Jesus' words and personage-
"How do you know me?" He asks Jesus.
And this is where Jesus really demonstrates who he is.
"Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you."
Jesus had seen Nathanael before, even though Nathanael had never seen him. Jesus knew where Nathanael was, and what he had been doing. He knew what Nathanael had been thinking, and what was in his heart. When Nathanael thought he was alone, he wasn't really, because God's presence was there, and Jesus was God. And in knowing all that Nathanael had done (certainly well beyond just his time under the fig tree), Jesus still sought him out in person, and called him out as being an upright, true, and honest man.
And then Jesus gave him the promise that he would see great things done.
So here I am, sitting alone under my proverbial fig tree, reading the scriptures, and this story stands out to me. Jesus, this awesomely powerful, loving, just, and strong God, was teaching Nathanael that he was not alone - that he had been called and sought out, and Nathanael both saw and did great things because the rest of his life because of it.
Maybe feeling overwhelmed, isn't so bad. I still feel the pangs of it, but I know now that I am definitely not alone. Am I still unable to change the crazy circumstances around me? Sadly, yes - but then I remember that I don't have to, because know I know that I too will see Jesus do great things because of my little faith. So then - so what if I feel bad - because here I am praying and reading the scriptures, and the same Jesus of the scriptures is using his word and reaching out to me!
Maybe in the end, being overwhelmed isn't such a bad place to be after all - it seems to do a really good job of bringing me to the Lord. Who knows, then, if in the end that's what drove Nathanael to take his quiet time 'under the fig tree' as well.
The following day Jesus wanted to go to Galilee, and He found Philip and said to him, "Follow Me." Now Philip was from Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter. Philip found Nathanael and said to him, "We have found Him of whom Moses in the law, and also the prophets, wrote--Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph." And Nathanael said to him, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" Philip said to him, "Come and see." Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward Him, and said, "Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no deceit!" Nathanael said to Him, "How do You know me?" Jesus answered and said to him, "Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you." Nathanael answered and said to Him, "Rabbi, You are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!" Jesus answered and said to him, "Because I said to you, "I saw you under the fig tree,' do you believe? You will see greater things than these."
John 1:43-50
So here I am, feeling overwhelmed and discouraged and unable to do anything about the craziness around me in this completely foreign country, and here is the story of Nathanael's calling as an Apostle. Nathanael (also referred to as Bartholomew) doesn't make a lot of appearances in the New Testament - although we know that Jesus appeared to him after his resurrection, and that he was there for the ascension as well (Jesus did promise that he would see great things). We also know from history that he would be the first missionary to reach (and be martyred in) India. His life story wasn't as interesting to me right now as his initial attitude when meeting Jesus, and Jesus' response.
When Phillip enthusiastically shares Jesus with Nathanael, Nathanael responds with one of the Pharisee's favorite mantras, 'can anything good come from Nazareth?'. When Phillip later brings Nathanael to meet with Jesus, Jesus praises him as being 'a true Israelite free of deceit' - but Nathanael responds by further questioning Jesus' words and personage-
"How do you know me?" He asks Jesus.
And this is where Jesus really demonstrates who he is.
"Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you."
Jesus had seen Nathanael before, even though Nathanael had never seen him. Jesus knew where Nathanael was, and what he had been doing. He knew what Nathanael had been thinking, and what was in his heart. When Nathanael thought he was alone, he wasn't really, because God's presence was there, and Jesus was God. And in knowing all that Nathanael had done (certainly well beyond just his time under the fig tree), Jesus still sought him out in person, and called him out as being an upright, true, and honest man.
And then Jesus gave him the promise that he would see great things done.
So here I am, sitting alone under my proverbial fig tree, reading the scriptures, and this story stands out to me. Jesus, this awesomely powerful, loving, just, and strong God, was teaching Nathanael that he was not alone - that he had been called and sought out, and Nathanael both saw and did great things because the rest of his life because of it.
Maybe feeling overwhelmed, isn't so bad. I still feel the pangs of it, but I know now that I am definitely not alone. Am I still unable to change the crazy circumstances around me? Sadly, yes - but then I remember that I don't have to, because know I know that I too will see Jesus do great things because of my little faith. So then - so what if I feel bad - because here I am praying and reading the scriptures, and the same Jesus of the scriptures is using his word and reaching out to me!
Maybe in the end, being overwhelmed isn't such a bad place to be after all - it seems to do a really good job of bringing me to the Lord. Who knows, then, if in the end that's what drove Nathanael to take his quiet time 'under the fig tree' as well.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Why the Silence?
It's been nearly six weeks since my last blog post - and though most of you are content to wait patiently, some of you are asking 'why the silence?'. Six weeks ago, I felt like I was asking the same thing -
Why the silence God?
Seeking Him daily, fasting, praying, reading my Bible and book after Christian book - and still the silence seemed the loudest thing around.
Could it be that instead of answering my all my life's questions for direction...
or listening to my requests for help in ministry...
that God really just wants to talk with me, to have a conversation with me, and to share His heart with me?
Is it really that surprising that He sometimes chooses to put a pause on the communication; especially when I get so wrapped up in myself - in my wants, my needs, my desires, that I fail to hear from Him?
Is it so incomprehensible that God could feel hurt, or even get tired of such a one-sided conversation in a relationship?
And yet even then, silence isn't really the right word, is it? Jesus said that even the rocks would cry out declaring the glory of God if we didn't (Luke 19:40). Psalm 148 shows us that the whole earth is declaring His glory - and that the majesty of the LORD is spread across the sky. Have you ever stopped to see His majesty in the sky? In times of great need and great silence I am very often overwhelmed and overtaken watching the beauty of the stars or the sunset as they brilliantly scream "God is good! He is a God of love! He is a God of power!". And yet, it only seems that in the moments of silence we are actually able to stop and look. What does this stir up in your heart when you think about it? What feelings or images come to your mind? As I exhale slowly and deeply, I'm caught up in the Gospel narrative, somewhere between creation and the crucifixion, enraptured with the idea of a God so powerful, yet so loving, that overtaken by His own love He choses to love me. How could I have been so negligent, so stubborn, in actually rejecting a relationship with God in exchange for blessings from Him?
And when the silence lifts (because it always lifts), I remember again the deep joy and sweet comfort of hearing His voice uninterrupted. But somehow, I feel different. I feel like I know Him better; or at least, I trust Him more for who He is. And I miss Him, and am excited to hear His voice. They say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder". What does it all mean? Sometimes even after leaving the fog behind, I still don't feel like I know exactly where I am going, but I am learning to thank God for the silence.
Why the silence God?
Seeking Him daily, fasting, praying, reading my Bible and book after Christian book - and still the silence seemed the loudest thing around.
Could it be that instead of answering my all my life's questions for direction...
or listening to my requests for help in ministry...
that God really just wants to talk with me, to have a conversation with me, and to share His heart with me?
Is it really that surprising that He sometimes chooses to put a pause on the communication; especially when I get so wrapped up in myself - in my wants, my needs, my desires, that I fail to hear from Him?
Is it so incomprehensible that God could feel hurt, or even get tired of such a one-sided conversation in a relationship?
And yet even then, silence isn't really the right word, is it? Jesus said that even the rocks would cry out declaring the glory of God if we didn't (Luke 19:40). Psalm 148 shows us that the whole earth is declaring His glory - and that the majesty of the LORD is spread across the sky. Have you ever stopped to see His majesty in the sky? In times of great need and great silence I am very often overwhelmed and overtaken watching the beauty of the stars or the sunset as they brilliantly scream "God is good! He is a God of love! He is a God of power!". And yet, it only seems that in the moments of silence we are actually able to stop and look. What does this stir up in your heart when you think about it? What feelings or images come to your mind? As I exhale slowly and deeply, I'm caught up in the Gospel narrative, somewhere between creation and the crucifixion, enraptured with the idea of a God so powerful, yet so loving, that overtaken by His own love He choses to love me. How could I have been so negligent, so stubborn, in actually rejecting a relationship with God in exchange for blessings from Him?
And when the silence lifts (because it always lifts), I remember again the deep joy and sweet comfort of hearing His voice uninterrupted. But somehow, I feel different. I feel like I know Him better; or at least, I trust Him more for who He is. And I miss Him, and am excited to hear His voice. They say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder". What does it all mean? Sometimes even after leaving the fog behind, I still don't feel like I know exactly where I am going, but I am learning to thank God for the silence.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The Author of Details
The school year is about to start, with two weeks left and counting. As the classroom and students get prepared, with fresh paint on walls and with new clothes on backs, I know that my preparation starts not on the exterior, but within my heart.
What is it that God desires from me this year? What is his plan for my fourth graders? What things does He want to speak into their lives? What healing and deep revelation does He have in store for them? What will prepare them for what lies ahead?
Without knowing why exactly He has called me to Nicaragua, and without needing to know, I prepare to take a step forward into the unseen, confident not in what shall catch my foot as it falls, but in who is holding me up. I feel like a child, sitting on his father’s shoulders for the first time - walking home at dusk. I can’t quite see the ground beneath his feet, nor do I know exactly where he is taking me in the quickly darkening surroundings, but I know who my father is. The struggle then becomes struggle itself - for with every twist of my body and shaking of my legs, I further incite the risk of falling from of his shoulders, and meeting the ground that I so fear below.
I’ve been told that the primary responsibility we have in the lives of God’s precious children is the development of their gifts. Children have the unique ability to see and believe in God and in His awesome love and power with staunch faith unmoved by even the ugliest of experiences the life has to offer- but are also endowed with the unique vulnerability and purity of being naïve and open to the all the world has to offer. So then who are these beautiful young men and women walking into my classroom? What does God have in store for their long lives? Where is He taking them on His shoulders? In what are they struggling with or stumbling by?
As I pray and mediate I finally understand that my being here has in actuality very little to do with me being here, and much more to do with God working in their lives. And so I thank God, that as we move forward together, it’s not about me or what I have to gain or offer, but about sitting quietly, resisting the urge to struggle, and appreciating the opportunity to safely move forward while gazing upward and outward at the beautiful night’s sky and all of her attractions.
And so, I will leave the details in the hands of the Author of details, and focus on the work ahead - while maintaining my sense of awe and wonder with the King, so great and noble, as to adopt me into His kingdom. The Author of details has it all worked out, all I have left to do is abide in obedience.
What is it that God desires from me this year? What is his plan for my fourth graders? What things does He want to speak into their lives? What healing and deep revelation does He have in store for them? What will prepare them for what lies ahead?
Without knowing why exactly He has called me to Nicaragua, and without needing to know, I prepare to take a step forward into the unseen, confident not in what shall catch my foot as it falls, but in who is holding me up. I feel like a child, sitting on his father’s shoulders for the first time - walking home at dusk. I can’t quite see the ground beneath his feet, nor do I know exactly where he is taking me in the quickly darkening surroundings, but I know who my father is. The struggle then becomes struggle itself - for with every twist of my body and shaking of my legs, I further incite the risk of falling from of his shoulders, and meeting the ground that I so fear below.
I’ve been told that the primary responsibility we have in the lives of God’s precious children is the development of their gifts. Children have the unique ability to see and believe in God and in His awesome love and power with staunch faith unmoved by even the ugliest of experiences the life has to offer- but are also endowed with the unique vulnerability and purity of being naïve and open to the all the world has to offer. So then who are these beautiful young men and women walking into my classroom? What does God have in store for their long lives? Where is He taking them on His shoulders? In what are they struggling with or stumbling by?
As I pray and mediate I finally understand that my being here has in actuality very little to do with me being here, and much more to do with God working in their lives. And so I thank God, that as we move forward together, it’s not about me or what I have to gain or offer, but about sitting quietly, resisting the urge to struggle, and appreciating the opportunity to safely move forward while gazing upward and outward at the beautiful night’s sky and all of her attractions.
And so, I will leave the details in the hands of the Author of details, and focus on the work ahead - while maintaining my sense of awe and wonder with the King, so great and noble, as to adopt me into His kingdom. The Author of details has it all worked out, all I have left to do is abide in obedience.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
