Why the Silence?

It's been nearly six weeks since my last blog post - and though most of you are content to wait patiently, some of you are asking 'why the silence?'. Six weeks ago, I felt like I was asking the same thing -

Why the silence God?

Seeking Him daily, fasting, praying, reading my Bible and book after Christian book - and still the silence seemed the loudest thing around.
Could it be that instead of answering my all my life's questions for direction...
or listening to my requests for help in ministry...
that God really just wants to talk with me, to have a conversation with me, and to share His heart with me?
Is it really that surprising that He sometimes chooses to put a pause on the communication; especially when I get so wrapped up in myself - in my wants, my needs, my desires, that I fail to hear from Him?
Is it so incomprehensible that God could feel hurt, or even get tired of such a one-sided conversation in a relationship?

And yet even then, silence isn't really the right word, is it? Jesus said that even the rocks would cry out declaring the glory of God if we didn't (Luke 19:40). Psalm 148 shows us that the whole earth is declaring His glory - and that the majesty of the LORD is spread across the sky. Have you ever stopped to see His majesty in the sky? In times of great need and great silence I am very often overwhelmed and overtaken watching the beauty of the stars or the sunset as they brilliantly scream "God is good! He is a God of love! He is a God of power!". And yet, it only seems that in the moments of silence we are actually able to stop and look. What does this stir up in your heart when you think about it? What feelings or images come to your mind? As I exhale slowly and deeply, I'm caught up in the Gospel narrative, somewhere between creation and the crucifixion, enraptured with the idea of a God so powerful, yet so loving, that overtaken by His own love He choses to love me. How could I have been so negligent, so stubborn, in actually rejecting a relationship with God in exchange for blessings from Him?

And when the silence lifts (because it always lifts), I remember again the deep joy and sweet comfort of hearing His voice uninterrupted. But somehow, I feel different. I feel like I know Him better; or at least, I trust Him more for who He is. And I miss Him, and am excited to hear His voice. They say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder". What does it all mean? Sometimes even after leaving the fog behind, I still don't feel like I know exactly where I am going, but I am learning to thank God for the silence.