Overwhelmed

Recently a close friend asked me what teaching children in Nicaragua was like. As I searched my mind to grasp for the right words to describe it, I realized that I needed more time to think about the question. Describing my life in Nicaragua and the missionary work here sometimes feels like last thing I want to do. There are so many different, beautiful, amazing, crazy, sad, and even hurtful things about living and working with the people here (and especially their children); let alone the emotions that come with the experience, that sometimes it seems easier not to think about or describe it -

Last week, I brought some pan dulce (sweet rolls) and bananas for two of my students that have been absent from school the last few days. The older girl (one of my 9-year-old 4th Graders) had been left to care for her seven year old brother (one of my 1st Graders) and her four year old sister while her parents were gone working. This is the same girl who, due to malnutrition, has had fainting spells and severe headaches in my classes; and already missed a week of school two months ago when she burned herself with hot oil while cooking trying to cook for her siblings. The clincher today is that the two younger children that she is taking care of, who have both had many health problems, have just been diagnosed with Hepatitis A (a very painful viral infection which attacks the liver - also almost unknown to most children in the States). And they are almost nearly all alone to deal with it.

The world is an overwhelming place. If you let it, it will tear you apart. Love, joy, pain, sorrow – they are all feelings too intense by themselves to experience or try to take on without Jesus. The Bible tells us that Satan, a fallen angel, is our enemy, and wants to kill us(Is 14:12-21, 1Pet 5:8). We see strong men and women overwhelmed time and time again in the bible – when Jesus and the disciples start sailing on the sea of Galilee – the storm picks up and the disciples loose it (Mark 4:37-38), or when Peter starts to walk on water – but then sinks because of his fear (Matt 14:28-30); even Jesus himself felt overwhelmed – sweating blood while praying in the garden of Gethsemane (Luke 22:44) – and then there's his His famous words on the cross “Eloi Eloi, lama sabachthani” - my God why have you forsaken me (Mark 15:34).

What's it like teaching these children? It's like being overwhelmed, time and time again. So what do you do when you're overwhelmed?

I just started going through the book of John with my 4th grades in Bible class. It's been a really interesting time teaching them, and a real blessing for me as I fall in love with the book of John all over again.

While sitting alone and reading through and reading through chapter 1 for the fiftieth time, I was struck flat in the face by a passage I have probably read through several times without ever really thinking about.

The following day Jesus wanted to go to Galilee, and He found Philip and said to him, "Follow Me." Now Philip was from Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter. Philip found Nathanael and said to him, "We have found Him of whom Moses in the law, and also the prophets, wrote--Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph." And Nathanael said to him, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" Philip said to him, "Come and see." Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward Him, and said, "Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no deceit!" Nathanael said to Him, "How do You know me?" Jesus answered and said to him, "Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you." Nathanael answered and said to Him, "Rabbi, You are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!" Jesus answered and said to him, "Because I said to you, "I saw you under the fig tree,' do you believe? You will see greater things than these."

John 1:43-50

 

So here I am, feeling overwhelmed and discouraged and unable to do anything about the craziness around me in this completely foreign country, and here is the story of Nathanael's calling as an Apostle. Nathanael (also referred to as Bartholomew) doesn't make a lot of appearances in the New Testament - although we know that Jesus appeared to him after his resurrection, and that he was there for the ascension as well (Jesus did promise that he would see great things). We also know from history that he would be the first missionary to reach (and be martyred in) India. His life story wasn't as interesting to me right now as his initial attitude when meeting Jesus, and Jesus' response.

When Phillip enthusiastically shares Jesus with Nathanael, Nathanael responds with one of the Pharisee's favorite mantras, 'can anything good come from Nazareth?'. When Phillip later brings Nathanael to meet with Jesus, Jesus praises him as being 'a true Israelite free of deceit' - but Nathanael responds by further questioning Jesus' words and personage-

"How do you know me?" He asks Jesus.

And this is where Jesus really demonstrates who he is.


"Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you." 

Jesus had seen Nathanael before, even though Nathanael had never seen him. Jesus knew where Nathanael was, and what he had been doing. He knew what Nathanael had been thinking, and what was in his heart. When Nathanael thought he was alone, he wasn't really, because God's presence was there, and Jesus was God. And in knowing all that Nathanael had done (certainly well beyond just his time under the fig tree), Jesus still sought him out in person, and called him out as being an upright, true, and honest man.

And then Jesus gave him the promise that he would see great things done.

So here I am, sitting alone under my proverbial fig tree, reading the scriptures, and this story stands out to me. Jesus, this awesomely powerful, loving, just, and strong God, was teaching Nathanael that he was not alone - that he had been called and sought out, and Nathanael both saw and did great things because the rest of his life because of it.

Maybe feeling overwhelmed, isn't so bad. I still feel the pangs of it, but I know now that I am definitely not alone. Am I still unable to change the crazy circumstances around me? Sadly, yes - but then I remember that I don't have to, because know I know that I too will see Jesus do great things because of my little faith. So then - so what if I feel bad - because here I am praying and reading the scriptures, and the same Jesus of the scriptures is using his word and reaching out to me! 


Maybe in the end, being overwhelmed isn't such a bad place to be after all - it seems to do a really good job of bringing me to the Lord. Who knows, then, if in the end that's what drove Nathanael to take his quiet time 'under the fig tree' as well.